batteries not included

this past week, i had the honor of contributing to eth denver mixing in my craft as a former chef and restaurateur with what i’m currently building in web3. i got to cook and share meals with some of the most brilliant minds in our community, meet new friends and talk about all the crazy shit that i’m convinced will change the world.

as someone who suffers from mental health issues i feel highs higher than most people and lows even lower. i usually use time on the plane back home to write about whats going through my mind which is where i am right now. and right now i’m feeling low lows. 

people are always surprised to hear that i’m introverted because of the way i appear from the outside, but it’s taken years of therapy and medication to be able to balance that out. i have severe anxiety which has made me come off as an arrogant asshole because i sometimes dive into my phone to not have to talk to people. after any event or meeting i had this week, i felt like a phone battery on 1% needing to go back to my hotel to recharge. 

creativity is a hell of a drug. it’ll take you to places you didn’t know existed, make you feel like every page you turn unlocks a new world. i believe my mental illness cocktail has been the main factor of my success, making me think in a completely limitless way and getting lost in the depths of my brain to even consider that impossibility exists.

i look at thoughts and emotions as clouds that you have to let pass through you. i let myself feel the lows as much as i do the highs. it’s not easy because your primal instinct is to fight back. it’s really fucking scary to let your mind go to darker places. medication has helped me bring both sides of the spectrum closer together and not lose myself in extremes, but it’s only part of the equation. you have to identify the smallest things that make you feel centered again: your person, music, a comforting meal, art, whatever it is that makes you feel most like yourself. you have to cut the bullshit out of what you think you should do and shift to doing what you actually want to do. the highs and the lows will never go away, you don’t want them to, but they need to both act as ways to refresh your mind in different ways. let yourself fly high like a superhero and allow the fall to the low knowing that both need to coexist.